On Being Good Enough

Some Background

In June 2025 my book was published in Israel, in Hebrew. In the same month, the annual Hebrew Book Fair was held in Tel Aviv. At the book fair, publishers show some of their books at their booths and I, like other authors, paid to have my book displayed at the booth of our publisher.

Before the book fair we had a conference call in which the publisher explained to the authors that we should be present at the book fair and be active in getting passersby interested in our books. I was a bit surprised, since I had thought that the publisher and their staff would be doing the promotion of the books that were on display, and I was a bit anxious since I knew that I would be uncomfortable promoting my book myself in this way.

After the first day at the book fair, I experienced intense discomfort and intense feelings of being “Not Good Enough”. I am writing this to understand why. As I write, I keep an attitude of non-judgment and of curiosity in mind. I am not judging myself; I am curious to understand my behaviors and my feelings, since they caused me such discomfort and suffering.

Perhaps my writing will be of benefit to other people struggling with the “Not Good Enough” story.

My Experience at the Book Fair

Feeling Intensely Uncomfortable

During the first day of the book fair, I stood outside the booth with the intention of stopping passersby and introducing my book. I had even written and practiced a very short “elevator speech”.

However, I was unable to approach people. I just felt intensely uncomfortable doing so. I observed some authors who were clearly comfortable with and enthusiastic about promoting their books, having no qualms about actively promoting their books to people who stopped at the booth to browse. I observed other authors who, while a bit more reserved, were able to stop passersby and give information about their books.

Why was I uncomfortable?

Imposter syndrome?

I have written a book, and yet I find it unsettling to call myself an author, or to tell people I have written a book. There is certainly an element of “imposter syndrome” in my discomfort, but I am not sure that this is the main element of what prevented me from proactively talking to people about my book.

Lingering effects of the stigma and shame of stuttering?

I have a feeling, an impression, that most people view stuttering as a defect, and even as a manifestation of personality and/or intellectual deficit. I imagine that people are uncomfortable to be suddenly confronted with a discussion on stuttering. Certainly, I am afraid of their rejection, as I find it difficult, at that moment, to differentiate between people simply not being interested in the topic, or not wanting to engage with me. I have anticipatory anxiety about this event, about people brushing me off. The imagined brush-off hits deeply at my as-yet unresolved feelings of inferiority. These feelings developed for good reason, as I was at times rejected and brushed off because of my stuttering.

Uncomfortable interfering with people?

I know how I feel when I am at a store or a booth and want to browse in peace. I do not want to be approached by a salesperson. That said, I recognize and appreciate that salespeople are just doing their job. I especially appreciate those salespeople who approach me just to say “I am here if I can help with anything”.

Since I want to browse in peace, and ask for help if I need it, I don’t want to interfere with other people when they are browsing. I know that my attitude is appropriate for some people and not for others. Some people appreciate the proactive help by salespeople, so this is not about whether it is right or wrong for a salesperson to approach a browsing customer, but rather about my preference to be left alone, and to ask for help if and when I need it. That preference has its roots, but it is neither right nor wrong, and a time might come when I choose to examine those roots.

Social Anxiety?

I am aware that I experience social anxiety and that I fear rejection and I fear misunderstandings. Everything that I wrote above has some basis in my social anxiety. Something that has been very difficult for me ever since my teenage years has been approaching someone, especially a stranger, with a request. That needing something from someone, and fearing asking for it, feels to me like it is at the heart of my social anxiety, or certainly a big part of it. It is directly tied, of course, to fear of rejection, which seems to still have such a big hold on me in situations like this.

Bottom Line

In my avoidance of telling passersby about my book I preempted the anticipation rejection by not getting into the situation where I might be rejected, and I avoided having to deal with the resultant storm of thoughts in which I would not easily understand if I was being rejected for my stuttering or simply because people were not interested in the topic, or were simply focused on getting to the next place they were going to. I am not saying that such preemption of rejection is a helpful approach, but rather just stating what I did.

Feeling “Not Good Enough”

After the first day at the book fair, being unable or unwilling to “force myself”, in my perception, on passersby, I found myself being aware of intense feelings of inferiority and of being “Not Good Enough”.

I am fortunate that I am largely self-aware, having practiced Mindfulness for many years, and so I was aware of what I was feeling and of the storm of thoughts I was experiencing. I decided that I need to invest some time into understanding more about myself and about my “Not Good Enough” story.

Why did I feel “Not Good Enough”?

In essence, I felt “not good enough” since I was not able or willing to do what was expected of me. I therefore felt criticized by the publisher, and more so when told blithely that I had to step outside my comfort zone. I also felt that I was unable to do what everyone else seemed to be doing, with greater or lesser ease, but doing all the same.

Why Did I Suffer?

I suffered during the time that I was caught up in the “Not Good Enough” story. I suffered because I believed the story that had taken up residence in my mind.

How did I Cease my Suffering?

I ceased suffering once my nervous system calmed down (or I calmed it down) and I was able to observe, mindfully, what was going on. I was able to say to myself “Oh, I recognize that story and those feelings. That is the “not good enough” story! It’s just a story, and you can move on now.”

I ceased my suffering when I realized that I am perfectly OK, perfectly good enough, even if I am unable to promote my book by proactively stopping passers-by at the book fair. Some folks can do that, and I celebrate any success that they have, but I am not like that. And that is perfectly OK.

I ceased my suffering by sitting down and examining it, gaining insight into my suffering and its causes, and deciding what I want to about ceasing to suffer.

Is That Not Giving Up?

A good question to ask myself is whether my actions in declining to promote my book to passers-by are, in fact, simply a manifestation of giving up in the face of challenge.

I have faced and overcome considerable challenges in my life by facing them and tackling them, and I do not need to engage with and succeed in every challenge that I face. No one does. Some people probably have opinions about this attitude, and that’s OK, too. Fortunately, other people’s opinions about me are none of my business, as Anthony Hopkins is reported to have said, and are certainly not in my control.

I continue to face challenges, and to overcome those challenges that I choose to engage with.

This is a key point. I have Choice, and the choice to either decline or accept a challenge that comes up is mine alone to make. I certainly continue to train myself to not be attached to the opinions and expectations of other people regarding the choices that I make.

From Recent Discussions on Being Good Enough

These thoughts are extracted from a recent discussion with a friend.

A Common Human Experience

It seems to me that the thought of not being "enough", or not being good enough, is universal, as is the need for all of us to be reminded about what's in our control and what is not.

Perhaps these two go together:

• I feel that I am not enough, and

• therefore (perhaps) I feel that I need to do more to fix the world.

I reckon that these thoughts might be especially strong in times of government injustice and corruption (writing in 2025), even when a person is doing all that they can to fix parts of the world that are in their control to fix.

Our First Job in Life

Epictetus is quoted as saying “So in life our first job is this, to divide and distinguish things into two categories: externals I cannot control, but the choices I make with regard to them I do control. Where will I find good and bad? In me, in my choices.” (Discourses 2.5.4-5)

This first principle of Stoic Philosophy, to identify what is in our control and what is not, is not something to be read and moved on from. It is meant to be a daily reminder, since it is very difficult to make the distinction, and especially difficult when new injustices are reported daily.

I think that understanding and living this lesson is vital in enabling us to be at peace with ourselves, to know that we are, in fact, good enough.

Worthiness

Brene Brown captures in the following statement, for me, the main idea behind changing our belief from "I am not good enough" to "I am good enough". She has many more statements and writing about worthiness, about our being worthy being decoupled from achievement, and certainly from comparing ourselves with the achievements of others.

“Wholehearted living is about engaging with our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” (Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection)

The Four Noble Truths

A closing reminder to myself:

The Four Noble Truths are, as taught by the 14^th Dalai Lama, the foundation of Buddhist teaching. They are:

• Recognizing the truth of suffering (if and when we are suffering

• The origin of suffering

• The possibility of cessation of suffering

• The path leading to that cessation.

The Four Noble Truths give me the wisdom to recognize that I am suffering, to understand why, and thereby to cease the continuation and the creation of suffering. The path leading to cessation of suffering is expressed in the Noble Eightfold Path, and is a way of life leading to joy, peace, and insight.

For more information, a wonderful reference is “The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching”, by Thich Nhat Hahn.

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Copyright © Hanan Hurwitz, 2025.

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